Joy can feel strange when you’ve lived in fear.
You laugh without checking who’s watching. You rest without guilt. You catch yourself feeling safe, and then it hits. A wave of unease. Like happiness came too soon. Or maybe you don’t deserve it at all.
This reaction confuses people. But it’s real. And common. Especially after you’ve survived something that taught you to brace, shrink, or hide.
The problem isn’t the joy. The problem is what your body still remembers.
After long periods of emotional or physical harm, your brain adapts. It reads quiet moments as suspicious. It treats safety as a setup.
This makes happiness feel unfamiliar. Not because something’s wrong, but because your nervous system hasn’t adjusted yet.
Joy used to come with a consequence. Maybe a punishment. Maybe a guilt trip. So now, even when you’re free, your body keeps the score.
If you’re working with a life coach after divorce in London, you might recognize this as trauma responses your nervous system hasn’t yet unlearned. But with time and compassionate guidance, you can retrain your body to feel safe in happiness.
Healing means teaching yourself that joy doesn’t always need to be followed by fear.
You start to feel better. You smile more. Then the guilt creeps in.
You think of others who are still in it. You think of the version of you who stayed silent, who tolerated too much. That part of you struggles to believe you deserve this lightness.
But you do.
Feeling good doesn’t erase the pain. It doesn’t ignore the past. It means you’ve given yourself permission to live beyond it. That’s not selfish. That’s strength.
As a divorce recovery coach in London often reminds clients, allowing yourself to experience joy is part of reclaiming your identity after years of surviving.
In controlling dynamics, happiness was often treated like a threat.
They questioned your good mood. They interrupted your moments of peace. They called you ungrateful when you wanted more. You learned to dim yourself to stay safe.
So when life becomes bright again, that conditioning pulls you back. Not because you miss the abuse, but because joy triggers the same internal alarm that used to protect you.
It takes time to separate real safety from what you used to call survival.
You don’t need to leap into joy. You can step toward it.
Start with a walk you enjoy. A book that helps you exhale. A playlist that makes you move again. These are more than distractions. They are repairs.
Let joy feel small at first. Let it return in quiet ways. No one needs to approve it. Especially not the voice in your head that repeats old warnings.
Each time you choose what feels good and safe, you build trust with yourself again.
The pain shaped you, but it didn’t erase your right to heal.
You carry the lessons. You carry the scars. But you also carry your strength. Your voice. Your ability to laugh without shrinking.
There’s nothing disloyal about feeling joy after harm. You’re not abandoning your story. You’re just adding to it.
Your happiness doesn’t need to feel perfect. It only needs to feel yours.
Joy can feel unfamiliar when most of your past required caution. We’ve worked with people who second-guess their peace, who smile and then flinch inside, unsure if it will last. That hesitation makes sense. You’ve spent so long surviving that ease now feels suspicious.
There’s no fixed timeline for feeling safe in your own happiness.
Some days you may welcome it. Other days, it might stir up grief you didn’t expect. That doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning. It means your healing is real and in motion.
At our practice, we hold space for that. Not with pressure, but with presence. Whether you’re seeking support from a divorce coach in London or working with a life coach after divorce in London, know that healing joyfully is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone.
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